Some Late-Night Thoughts

The life of a homeschool graduate who's main desire is to fulfill her calling as a wife and mother can sometimes be a strange, uncertain journey. I suppose that everyone has uncertainty's in their lives, but I have to say that at times it can be very difficult to be in the above position in that there really is nothing I of myself can do to get to that position I believe God has called me to. In pursuing a career there is a lot of action that each person has to do to reach it. As far as being a wife and mother I can train and prepare myself for it, but when it comes to it actually happening I am completely dependent on a man pursuing my hand. I am very much okay with this, I have no fear, knowing that if God has truly called me to this He will bring the right man at the right time.

But while I have no fear I do have uncertainty as far as where I am to go before He brings this about. I have something of a fear of pursuing anything in much depth, mainly because all I really want to is to be a wife and mother and so hesitate to devote much of my time to something I won't use or need in the future. At the same time my life is not about waiting for things to happen, it's about redeeming the time that I have before me, using it to the best that I can.

All of that to say I'm rather confused right now as to the direction things are going in. I have a lot of uncertainty right now, and lately have just been coasting, avoiding making any real decisions of what to do with my time.

And now I'm really not sure where to go with this post. I had hoped when I sat down and started writing that more things would come to me as I went but it's not working so well.

My mind is spinning with things and I can't seem to settle down and focus on any one of them. It's also a lot later than I should really be awake, though I've found that I write better late at night when the house is quiet, not that our house is ever particularly noisy considering that we are all girls, and our favorite activity is reading. :-) I think my juices just flow a little better late at night. At times that can be fun and when I'm in the middle of it, it works out really well, but what seems like a great idea at 1 a.m. usually ends up having been a bad one when I then have to get up in the morning and go through my day. On that note I think it's time I ended this and caught a few winks...